Always the kind of girl to see things from a 'glass half full' perspective, I like to turn hangovers into a positive experience. I expect that anyone who reads this blog will by now have realised that I quite like food. Unfortunately, like all of the best things in life, too much of it will leave you skint, ugly and stinking of puke, and for this reason, I normally try to limit the amount of tucker that I shove into my cake hole. However, on hangover days, any scrap of self-control is happily defenestrated at the first opportunity (defenestrate: verb; to throw something out of a window) in an attempt to nurse myself back to health.
Here's the hit list:
A tangle of supermarket own brand noodles, in a savoury jus with particles of reformed chicken and mushroom. Pot Noodle markets itself as 'the slag of all snacks' (or rather it did until their adverts decided to rip off Flight of the Conchords, cunts) but if the branded version is a slag, then this is herpes in a pot. However, the point of hangover cuisine is that you allow yourself to eat the baddest, most spot-inducing food necessary to feel better. In this case, I suppose the point is to cram in as many chemicals as possible, in case you don't get to have a hangover for another week or so. And it tastes amazing.
A juicy mountain of prawns. They're so slippery and easy to chew, and they don't really taste of anything. Extra points if there's a bit of brain residue still clinging to the head-end and it doesn't make you feel sick. You're well on your way to your recovery if you can stomach that. I definitely draw the line at eggs though. Uuuurrrrrrrgh. Close together dots. (More about this later) (probably).
Slightly less controversial than the previous two menu options, is the time tested hangover faithful, the
maccy D's, pictured above in a rather-more-appetising -than-usual gourmet arrangement. I was advised by a confidante that "no-one will agree with that!" when discussing the prawns and the cheap noodles. That may be so, but I defy anybody to challenge the life giving properties of the mysterious Big Mac sauce. Nobody knows what the elusive secret ingredient is that makes the orangey sauce so god damn tangy and irresistible to the palette (although it's probably MSG) but there's no denying this powerful hangover remedy that lies beneath the hallowed golden Mc Donald's arches. The main reason why this dish isn't my hangover cure of choice more often is the hall of screaming children and dead-eyed youth that stand in the way. And the fact that they only serve those horrid breakfasts in the morning. Down with normal people breakfasts!
Another tried and tested hangover delicacy that I can strongly recommend is a greasy medley of
Chinese food. A juicy plateful of mouth-watering spare ribs (capital or BBQ, don't even contemplate going for boring dry ones or sweet n sour, you'll be back to square one before you can say Stowford Press). Mmm, and as is always the way with Chinese, you'll end up ordering way too much, which means you get to have cold chinese for breakfast. Why does it always taste so much sweeter the next day?
Recommended dishes include:
crispy seaweed
anything with squid
spare ribs
singapore chow mein
crispy shredded beef
Slightly less controversial than the previous two menu options, is the time tested hangover faithful, the maccy D's, pictured above in a rather-more-appetising -than-usual gourmet arrangement. I was advised by a confidante that "no-one will agree with that!" when discussing the prawns and the cheap noodles. That may be so, but I defy anybody to challenge the life giving properties of the mysterious Big Mac sauce. Nobody knows what the elusive secret ingredient is that makes the orangey sauce so god damn tangy and irresistible to the palette (although it's probably MSG) but there's no denying this powerful hangover remedy that lies beneath the hallowed golden Mc Donald's arches. The main reason why this dish isn't my hangover cure of choice more often is the hall of screaming children and dead-eyed youth that stand in the way. And the fact that they only serve those horrid breakfasts in the morning. Down with normal people breakfasts!
Another tried and tested hangover delicacy that I can strongly recommend is a greasy medley of Chinese food. A juicy plateful of mouth-watering spare ribs (capital or BBQ, don't even contemplate going for boring dry ones or sweet n sour, you'll be back to square one before you can say Stowford Press). Mmm, and as is always the way with Chinese, you'll end up ordering way too much, which means you get to have cold chinese for breakfast. Why does it always taste so much sweeter the next day? Recommended dishes include:
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